there are noises and bites on my leg and lost paths. just as i consider drawing into myself, i can't.
The tidal creek serves its purpose for me tonight. a mass of dirt and grass and creatures, all separate from me. a creek that has stopped its flow for now. a creek that doesn't care if i'm smiling or crying, or why. a creek that won't corner me or ask me questions. a creek that is expansive, generous, unknown, quiet. i'm grateful that around the corner, there is an empty tidal creek awaiting me. but it's important to me, and to their well being, and to their good for society, that they understand that this isn't normal.īut on nights like tonight, i'm grateful, more than ever, for this good life. and part of the curse is that i spend half of my time trying to help my children understand how unrealistic, how unbelievable this is. and neither i, nor my spouse, take it for granted. and the glory of it is that this just is. i landed in a beautiful neighborhood, with a loving, providing husband, and witty, healthy children. while he bathed the kids and read to them and put them to bed. so i set out to my favorite little bench. but when push comes to shove, he'll keep guard over the small space and let me out into the big when he sees that i need it.
when we watches me sit in the middle airplane seat, he's honestly thankful for my ability to do it. when my watch is riding a bit too far up on my arm, he looks panicky. and this is admirable, because he's more claustrophobic than i am. he knows when to talk it out, and when to let me move. i like heavy blankets, and tents, and individualized attention in a conversation.īut when push comes to shove, and life closes in a bit, i want some room. or small spaces.īut i'm selective about it. i don't like turtlenecks, or restrictive clothing. perhaps i should just settle in and watch the stars, and blow a kiss to the man in the moon. i haven't quite thrown out the box of bandages from my last fall, and my fingertips still ache a bit from clinging to the edge. but soon enough the evening dew will settle, and this will become a slippery slope. and my seat, fascinatingly enough, is a little divot, so i feel secure. my footing was quite good on the climb up. to criticize and blow out the little light that flickers.īut perhaps i should just enjoy sitting out here on the roof. I have a strong tendency to want to punish myself while i wait it out. letting the fresh air find its way into the depths of my alveoli. and here i stand, on this mildewed roof as the afternoon sun melts into the earth. little tiny eensie weensie baby choices, non-catastrophic in nature. looking back, i can't remember exactly why i stuck my neck out this far in the first place. So here i am, after a long, tedious climb to this spot. and occasionally, just once in awhile, they would stick in place, maybe just to get the chance to laugh back at me.
i would chuckle at them, all topsy turvy and awkward positions. all arms and legs and back flips and tumbles. i would throw them again and again to watch their chaotic descent down the flat surface. i imagine it's a little like those stretchy gummy toys that i threw at the wall as a child.i loved those. I fumble around and somehow manage to get myself into a precarious position. i certainly don't bother to check the weather before i wander outside. and it doesn't help that i tend to get caught on a slippery slope. SUBMISSIONS WITHOUT THIS INFO WILL BE REMOVED.I think i've mentioned it before. Links to health authorities for more information here. Moderators may remove any content that they feel is misinformation or unsafe, moderator decisions are final. Submissions are subject to subreddit rules.
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